Being in touch with others in your situation can be a lifeline for the NT partner in a relationship. That connection can come as a great relief, validating how you’ve felt and taking away feelings of frustration and isolation.
It is common within an AS/NT relationship for the NT partner to find that, over time, their social life has diminished. Whilst the AS partner may find lengthy or frequent social interaction exhausting and will need to spend time alone in order to ‘recharge their batteries’, the opposite is true for the NT partner.
Meeting up can be a great way to learn from others and to share experiences about the often frustrating life of loving an adult with Asperger's Syndrome. Meetings have been held in the South West of the UK for the past six months and these have proved invaluable to those attending.
We will post Meetups on this page. If there isn't one in your area yet and you'd like to start one, please contact us through Different Together and let us know. We'll update this page as often as we are notified of new meetings. We hope to have Meetups throughout the UK and further afield before too long!
Please come and join us if you can make any of these Meetups:
UK and beyond!
Geneva: Coffee and chat - Wednesday 18 October
Worcester: Coffee and chat - Thursday 26 October
Leeds: Coffee and chat - Saturday 28 October
Exeter: Coffee and chat - Monday 30 October
Bovey Tracey: Coffee and chat - Monday 6 November
London: Coffee and chat - Wednesday 8 November
Leeds: Coffee and chat - Saturday 25 November
Exeter: Coffee and chat - Monday 27 November
London: Meet, support, vent - Sunday 10 December
Halifax/Hebden Bridge: monthly meetings, alternating between lunchtimes in Halifax and evenings in Hebden Bridge. Organised by Calderdale Aspergers.
Kathy Marshack, author of "Going over the edge?" used Meetup to start a group in her home town of Portland, Oregon. Her initiative meant the group grew quickly in numbers and now has a membership of over 600 members!
Please Contact us if you would like to advertise a Meetup.
I met my husband 14 years ago when I came to England to work on a 6 months project. We decided to get married quite quickly and had our 2 children within 18 months. He was clearly doing things in a different way but I accepted it happily. I was now living in a foreign country after all!
However, the birth of our children tipped the balance over. He became increasingly grumpy and was quick to put anyone down, me included. In the meantime, I was feeling more and more isolated, physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I seriously considered divorce but was finding it hard as, deep down, I knew that none of his actions were meant to hurt me.
Then I learnt about Asperger’s Syndrome and everything fell into place. His inability to emotionally support me, his blank look, his difficulty in coping with normal children noise or his constant grumpiness …. it all made sense. There was a reason for these odd behaviours but it was also clear that the only way forward was to change the way we, or rather I, behaved and communicated.
So we both made some efforts and things have settled down a lot since then. It hasn’t been easy but it has also made me a better person. I have learnt a lot about myself in the process and I had to change, starting by learning not to blow up and ‘shout’ but instead to say things clearly, directly and in a calm manner. I learnt to look after myself; I explored a spiritual side that had been left neglected for a long time. I have a loving relationship with my husband. Not the one with the ‘soul mate’ that understands all of you without you saying a word. It’s something different, but in some ways just as fulfilling.