a string of paper cutout figures

Asperger's Syndrome (AS) is not a disorder but a difference in neurology or neurodiversity, whereby an individual with AS is seen as someone who is differently-abled rather than disabled due to their unique neurological makeup. —  (Page, 2009; Simone, 2009)

 

Different Together Partners

Action for Aspergers, an organisation founded by Elaine Nicholson which, amongst other things, provides counselling for NT partners by individuals with a real understanding and knowledge of Asperger's Syndrome.

Minds & Hearts, an organisation founded by Dr Michelle Garnett and chaired by Professor Tony Attwood, is a unique clinic with a special focus on Asperger's Syndrome and Autism.  

Maxine Aston specialises in working with individuals, couples and families who are affected by Asperger Syndrome.  She is based in Coventry in the UK.

Positive Support for Women with Asperger Spouses is a site run by Julie Rowland, an NT partner herself and Mum of a young woman with autism.  

Asperger's Syndrome Partner Information Australia
Though this wonderful organisation is based in Australia, the website provides a wealth of information, support and resources that will be of use to you wherever you live.

Helpful links

Aspergated Wives
A Facebook support group for any woman living with any partner that is affected by Asperger's Syndrome whether formally diagnosed or not.

ASPIRES
ASPIRES is an on-line resource for spouses and family members of adults diagnosed or suspected to be on the autism spectrum.

Bristol Austism Spectrum Service (BASS)
BASS Autism Services for Adults provide a service to adults with autism spectrum conditions (ASCs) and professionals and carers who support them.

Connecting With Your Asperger Partner
The website of Louise Weston, author of "Connecting With Your Asperger Partner".

The Curly Hair Project (The Girl With the Curly Hair)
Excellent website about women/girls with Asperger Syndrome.

Families of Adults Affected by Asperger's Syndrome (FAAAS)
Our mission is to offer support to the family members of adult individuals with Asperger's Syndrome.

Help for Aspergers
The website of Rudy Simone, author of "22 Things a Woman Must Know if She Loves a Man With Asperger Syndrome".

Hendrickx Associates
Asperger's Syndrome, consultancy and support.

Karin Friedemann's blog
Asperger's Syndrome Wives need Understanding - an excellent post on how it feels to be the NT partner of a person affected by AS.

Kathy J. Marshack
Psychologist, Kathy Marshack, on Asperger and Marriage.

Mercia Asperger Support Team
Based in Solihull this organisation not only provides couple counselling in a clinical setting but also family counselling.

The Online Asperger Syndrome Information and Support (OASIS) Center
Although not specifically for partners, there is a great deal of helpful material.

PASDA
Offering support to parents and carers of adults (over 16s) on the autistic spectrum who live in Edinburgh and the Lothians.

Tony Attwood
The website of the world expert on Asperger Syndrome.

News articles

2013 — July —Telegraph

Realising the power of an autistic workforce

2009 — May — The Daily Beast
A radical new autism theory- A groundbreaking study suggests people with autism-spectrum disorders such as Asperger’s do not lack empathy—rather they feel others’ emotions too intensely to cope.

My story

Although some of his ways drive me insane, I know I can always depend on my husband to be there to solve pretty much any practical issue that crops up in our marriage. The dishwasher is always loaded to maximum capacity – but clear the room while he’s loading it unless you want a blow by blow account of how dishwasher loading should be done. The children know he’ll always take them wherever they want to go, and on longer journeys the car is thoroughly prepped – oil, water, tyres - the works – all to ensure our travelling is as comfortable and stress free as possible.

I have learnt, since discovering AS, that my husband ‘shows’ his love in practical ways and that we as a family need to look beyond our expectations and appreciate the differences we all have. I’ve also learned that for the marriage to succeed I need to refocus my energies on the positives in our relationship and create more positive experiences for myself and the children and not let my husband’s emotions or insecurities impact on us if he chooses not to deal with them.

He is starting to take some responsibility for this. It’s a slow process, but one that shows me that he is beginning to understand that he can make effective changes to his situation and ours by looking at himself. It’s not something he feels overly comfortable with, but as I’ve become more driven to make changes to the way I get my needs met he is starting to recognise me as a separate person from him who also has interests, hopes and dreams.

I don’t know where life will take us, but I do now see that there’s a lot of love left in our relationship and we will continue to work towards saving it. What’s changed now is that I recognise that even if it doesn’t work out we are both capable of being individuals and making our own choices.

Get in touch