a man being shown a rorschach test

Often, when a relationship reaches crisis point a couple's first port of call is a counsellor. However, without specific understanding of Asperger's Syndrome this can often do more harm than good.

On the map below are listed counsellors who we know to have the qualifications and experience to be of benefit to you and/or your partner.

We would be delighted to add counsellors to this list from personal recommendation who are BACP accredited and with the relevant experience.

Don't believe everything you think. Thoughts are just that - thoughts. —  Allan Lokos, Pocket Peace

Relationship essentials

There are two things that are essential for an Asperger marriage to survive, recover or grow.

First is that the person with Asperger’s Syndrome be willing to explore and accept the existence of Asperger’s Syndrome in their personality and their relationship, and hopefully seek professional guidance. People with AS tend to cope better and help their partners and families cope better when they are pro-active in understanding and managing their AS characteristics better. I know that many partners reading this carry a lot of grief over the hope of this happening for their relationship.

Second, the non-Asperger partner must stop believing that their partner will become neurotypical if they just learn about AS, "get it", accept it, get diagnosed or if we try hard enough to convince them.

It is imperative for non-AS partners to continue to learn and thoroughly understand the facts about AS and how it is manifesting in their own relationship. Then we have to allow our minds to make a shift into accepting the AS, that it is here to stay and that change will be slow and limited, even with the most co-operative AS partner.

Some great words of advice from a partner training course (123 Magic and Emotion Coaching) are to "avoid too much talk and too much emotion" when dealing with our children.

This is important advice for adult relationships too, but particularly when Asperger’s Syndrome is present, because one of the core difficulties in AS is in the processing of communication and emotions.

A good motto is: Avoid too much talk and too much emotion.

Carol Grigg (December 2011)
Extract from ASPIA’s Handbook for Partner Support

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